Haven't been able to sleep, but I desperately need it. Too late to take something tonight.
I think sometimes I don't sleep because not sleeping much dulls the world enough that I don't have to deal with the hard questions. Like why am I here and what am I supposed to be doing, anyway?
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I have the opposite problem.
Most nights, I waste 6-8 hours sleeping.
That is 25-33% of my day totally lost.
Think of how many books I could read if I did not spend all that time sleeping.
Think of how much I could improve my chess game.
Thinking about those big questions is good. Don't be distressed by it. You have a long time ahead of you to uncover answers -- nobody ever gets them all straight, especially at a young age.
And don't be too sure about what you presently think is best for you, or wrong in your life. I can tell you with certainty that what you may be sure of today, you will look back on in the future and think, wow, I was quite wrong about that.
I have found the middle of the night to be a time where "thoughts" come too. Some people say it is God whispering to you during the only time your attention isn't elsewhere.
That could be, I am thinking about that lately.
One thing I am sure of -- there is trememdous value ahead for you, both in what you will accomplish, but also what positive impact you will have in the lives of others.
Be patient though. As a runner, you understand life is a marathon not a sprint.
I have learned much since turning 50, and I recall having many of your thoughts 10 years ago. Every night.
And, I still get them. Maybe we can share some whispering stories this summer.
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